msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - really though. everything is so fucking hollow. i don't - i don't even really value human connection anymore because it's so UNreal, it too is built up on all these falsities, and of course there is beauty in it but i just think more and more about a persons own right to choose their fate, and if we have free will, why is it so hard to die? like it is really hard. it takes a lot of strength and perseverance, a lot of resolve to really die by your own hand. - a friend of mine at work had an ex-colleague kill himself a few days ago and hearing him talk about it - he is many times removed, heard it through the grape vine, won't go to the funeral, but seeing this ripple thing. my first thought was "i'm so jealous". he said goodbye on facebook. outside the office with my friend yesterday, a girl who i don't know but who knew both these men stopped to talk to my friend and as she walked away, stopped and turned and said "just, if you ever need to talk, please call me" and it was like this fucking poster, this movie moment thing for suicide prevention but doesn't every person have that right? i want to talk to my friends and family about this more. it gets so much more apparent that this is my fate and it is my choice and feeling more alone when i know i'm really not. ugh i don't know i don't know. i guess it's the same train of thought that says "you don't tell someone with cancer to 'get over it'". ? but not really. it's not an ILLNESS. it's just a difference. - maybe if i could just die for a little while, i'd be able to come back and keep going? but why. just to save the people around me from pain and suffering? ah fuck 12:04 a.m. - 2014-05-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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