msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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scream and shout until we work it out

MAN, I AM SCARED.

i am afraid.

i am terrified.

-

i am scared of my happiness. that it's not enough, that it is flawed and false, that it will be stolen from me

i am scared of other people, i'm scared of their judgements on me, that they don't understand me, that i am too often taken out of context, without reason or circumstance

i am scared of reason, and circumstance

i'm scared of judgement

i'm scared of feeling and i'm scared of apathy, i'm scared of lethargy and energy i'm scared of fullness, completeness, parentheses, silence, distraction, commitment, fulfilment, sobriety, okayness, THEM, i'm scared of

fear

i am SO scared of hope, i'm scared of living until i'm old, i'm scared of losing the people i love, i'm scared of losing, i'm scared of loving, i am not afraid of death but i guess i'm scared of dying,


i'm scared of talking to the people i love about dying. i'm scared to talk about my late night thoughts. i'm scared

i'm scared

i'm scared.

i'm so scared of truth but it's the only thing i believe in but it is the most SUBJECTIVE and ELUSIVE thing and i don't think it exists, it is my god, it is my faith?

-

i am scared and i cry everyday and nothing means ANYTHING and i don't know how to fight against that and why should i and i want to ask everyone i meet, everyone i see, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE, WHY HAVEN'T YOU GIVEN UP, DO YOU THINK LIKE THIS, DO YOU HEAR ME ARE WE REALLY ALL IN THIS TOGETHER WHO ARE YOU I DON'T CARE why can't i pull together the strength to die i am so afraid

11:51 p.m. - 2014-05-14

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