msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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crosby, stills & nash

oh man, daddy issues up the wazoo.

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in other news:

after getting so low last week, drawing blood kind of low (first in long time), i have made a conscious effort to pick myself back up and it seems to be going ok.

my work, as usual, is my saving grace and i think as i see my patterns play out more and more, i see that the times i start really excelling at work are just after periods of distress, when i get so low that i bottom out and then as a way of distracting/healing, i for once focus outside of myself and all these great things happen. i start to shine, my mind gets sharp, i am focused and dedicated because i'm desperate to escape where i've just been.

then after a time, i get complacent/distracted from my distraction and focus back in again and down, down, down i go. this is ok. life is cyclical. awareness is key.

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also, tonight i'm tying a bit of string around some garlic and shoving it up my cunt because my period smelt like an animal had crawled up in me and died (let's call the animal "my dignity as it appears to one person in particular" perhaps).

self care. i know what's up.

9:11 p.m. - 2014-05-21

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