msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the high priestess òh, balance. if i were a visual person, i would be making images that spoke of a small being pulling on the chain of a giant pendulum swinging with the weight of it's momentum, tiny tendrils wrapping around strong, steady, but not immovable or solid thread, - if you believe in balance, as i do ----------- balance is the foundation of my belief system. light has dark; good has bad; religion has science (thats a joke...... kind of... not really? it's off topic anyway). i have had so much darkness. i have been so dark. i have been full of hate, and sadness and despair and..... 10 years of writing about it here. so, it could follow that i swing to the same level of hapiness and light and etc etc etc. but to let the pendulum swing that way means to follow the momentum, means to then swing back a little but with a little more weight, and on and and on and on it could go until finallya bea i reach a resting point ie. ~death~ by old age if i let it go like that, swinging like that, over decades. i am now a refusal for that. i am feet dug into the ground, a NEW chain swung around that swinging one, saying NO NO NO, let's reel it in. i can come to balance now. at the very least i can make the swing a little less intense, i can get to a curly wave thing parentheses enveloped state and LIVE through it for.....years. -------- everything around me is saying "yes, you've made it, you've got it - but don't stop, don't rest" - part of "getting it" is the recognition that the fighting never stops but the fighting is THE POINT. the fighting is the IS. the fighting is the......not fighting, is the acceptance and the beauty and the moments of "hey, actually, this life thing is pretty great". balance. the core of my beliefs, the place where my soul makes sense, my divinity. i have felt the high priestess, and i have felt the peasant - to the extent available to me. i will continue to roll between them, to carry the preistess in the prayer and the prayer within the priestess, to stay humble, grateful, vigilant, diligent...... this is the thing that will let me live a long, long life (no matter what age i die). i am sitting hands on thighs, palms to the sky, veil behind me, both black and white as my frame, open, knowing..... this i've known for years. me with yellow background, flowers at my feet, wild beasts crowding around me - that is new. - it wasn't until i spoke with a man possesed, about my possession, my years of struggle with it, my sense of having shaken it off......that i really recognised what i've been through and where i am. humble, humble, humble. i am here to help, not to gloat. 12:29 a.m. - 2015-05-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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