| Blue |
so tomorrow is my birthday. twenty-two.
I guess this is where you settle in for life to just keep on rolling on - adolesence is (hopefully) over now and you're a "twenty-something" - this year has been all about routine. all about sleeping next to someone every night, lots of touching and affection but not so much raunchy sex. i guess it's been a lot like jealousy, in the sense that i've started to notice more and more what i lack in my life, what i want and what i think i need. probably not as much appreciating what i have as there should have been. there's been a lot of growing away from my family, away from the friends i thought i had. a lot of seclusion, and feeling alone but not a lot of feeling lost. a lot of indoors, as always, but this year i guess i haven't been enjoying it as much as i have in the past. - this time next year i hope that i have moved to melbourne. if not changed cities, i at least hope to have had some big change in my life, some new adventure and something that sprouts a lot of changing and growing. i want to be more comfortable in my self. this has been happening constantly over the last couple of years, so i can only imagine it will continue. i want to be more satisfied and content with 'my lot'. although, at the same time the hunger for change is something i never want to lose. i want a lot of love and trust in my life. i want to have lived and experienced alot more, i want to be 'out' more. i want to still be secure in my work and not struggling for money. i want to be successful in anything i set out to do. - i don't want to have lost anyone close to me. i want all of my family and friends to be happy, and healthy and exactly where they want to be. - Happy Birthday to me and amen. - (p.s. i don't want to think that dying is the way to answer all my problems. it is a stupid thought that i don't even make attempts to act on anymore so it would be best if it was gone from my head.) |