msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the sun the sea you and i pretty vivid dreams so far this year of buying that last years new years boy a nick cave ticket, putting my computer out in the rain just near a giant tree, a deceptive billiards table, old men offering me warm VB and cask wine for a dollar a glass. that beautiful man cooking up heroin and holding a pistol. an old friends dead father screaming in agony, watching films, an opera, walking through traffic lights. a homeless man telling me that although it looks like he talks to god, he knows that god has left us. having to walk over giant rocks that turned into turtles, having to unstack and restock piles of turtles and bacon (???) i think i almost got to lucid point, walking over the large rocks, jumping from some great heights but I didn't quite break through to that point. - i have a counsellors appointment this afternoon where i want to talk not knowing which emotions are real - happiness or sadness, maybe being too scared to be either so just end up feeling numb and empty and lost. beautiful man has changed his plans him some more, will be here in a week - we'll go to lismore, then back here then to brisbane at the end of the month for laneway. i wonder how he is not bored of me, what is it that he sees. i wonder if it's already ending, if it was just a brief and beautiful thing. - i just faked a migraine to get out of my stupid job for a while this afternoon. i hate it so much. it's frustrating because i know work can be so much better but i just don't have it in me at the moment - do i ever? blah blah blah 12:27 p.m. - 2013-01-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||