msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- everywhere, everywhere, everywhere reading the news makes me so.... tired. scared. sad. ---- hours later i'm realising... there's all this stuff going on with my family, i just booked a one way flight home to be there, not to be in our homes but to be in a city none of us have known (wait - my mum and dad lived there, way before they had our little family. a long time ago. that's where they fell in love.). i booked a flight there to to give love and care, where i can. primarily. to smile, bring youth, bring hope, but really i guess it can all be summed up in bringing love, and care. it feels so strange to me. i'm realising i haven't had this before. being the baby of the family, i've never really been in this spot, the carers spot. that shows me how really, REALLY lucky i am, how sheltered, protected, ~privileged~. really. and of course nothing lasts forever. and every blessing has it's downside. i don't know if i'm prepared for this. i don't know if i can do this. but of course i can, because people do so much more, with so much less, in much worse situations. being white, being here, being 29 years old and not knowing death or disease or terror or war or poverty ... i mean... fuck. i am so grateful. i don't know how to talk about this without sounding anything but. I AM SO GRATEFUL. but this is all happening at the same time as so much else in the world and mostly all i can think about is so many people not having that, the luck of the draw in this lottery. i am grateful i am grateful i am grateful, and in that sense i'm thinking WHY ME and why them, why them, why them. 130 people in france = 10 bombs in syria (that we know of, i'm sure there's more - before and after). a news article said they dropped those bombs and there were "no civilian casualties" FUCK THAT! today there were pictures of syrian people, communities, devastated. i can't possibly write anything that means anything about this. it's not a new story, it's not just this last 4 days, of course of course of course. why them though, why me. i can't find the words but i wish i could. 6:33 p.m. - 2015-11-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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