msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the ocean ahhh i have not been here for awhile. wanted to come and jot down some notes on my present state of being as i know it's so useful to have this to look back on... it's almost 2 years since i arrived in Melbourne - about a week off. meaning this time 2 years ago i was deeply, so deeply entrenched in smack and love and sex and a heart i couldn't have, my own heart so.....bleak and lost and tortured and twisted up. - currently i'm...... my last post on here was about gratitude and really i'm still sitting in that sort of mindset. life is being beautiful to me at the moment, it's such a gift, i am just....floored by it sometimes, so thankful. i did a tarot reading today for the first time in quite a while and it was so spot on and accurate - the underlying message really being that after a period of deeply rooted emotional pain and turmoil, through all of my inner work on exploring my darker/shadow self, indulging in darkness and....well, indulging in indulgence? i have reached a point of "cautious victory" - some goals have been achieved but more than anything the sense of needing constant vigilance and hard work, and focus while i enjoy the fruits of previous labour. to bask in how far i've come, but to not see this as a tree i can sit and slumber under. i feel powerful and content, solid in my stance but flexible in my ways. i feel blessed, fortunate and determined to continue walking this path and watching blossoms bloom around me. - in other news i have a beautiful and light romance that is filling my days. it's all heavy flavours and loud moans, eyes open sex, roaring orgasms. warmth, good food, expensive whiskey, savouring, sharing, giving, receiving. a man older than me, almost twice my age, italian, with a name synonymous with art, beauty, age. his beard smells of incense, and increasingly of me (my pussy, my perfume, my cigarettes). his body, apparently when drunk i described to him as "simple", which i think the word was used more to describe my attraction than his form, although it rings true. classic, maybe, is what i was looking for. i had dejavu seeing his tattoo's, when we touch i lose any sense of self conciousness or apprehension, i turn myself over completely, we become religious in the throes of our moments, shouting blasphemously in deep voices, he paints dark creatures, demons, devils, i see them as self portraits, last night when he was inside me i saw horns manifest from his head, he talks of having a bull dick to match the horns, i melt into the bed and lose all common sense. he tells me i am an oasis, sunshine. we have simple pleasure with complex flavours. i spoke about orbits, of being big like a sun and drawing things to and around me. not sure who is the sun here, who is in who's orbit but it is not a situation for analysing, just one for enjoying and revelling in, one for taking. his life is busy and mine is.... well, i am fluid, rolling with this as it comes and goes. - apart from this my work is full of love and movement, i need to be diligent and focused. but it is sunday, and why think about that now when i have the above to play in my mind.... 3:15 p.m. - 2015-05-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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