msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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i could be there now if you'd just invite me

the words i can't put anywhere, i just want to tell you

i dream of you or needles every other night

everything is so tied up in what my heart and my body wants and i am living by my brain but

if it is a thing, if it is a real thing, i am so lost and in love still with this archetype that i've made you in to and i don't know i think you really are it i think it's really you
i miss you so much i wish you'd talk to me it's been so long now i must be delusional if i write about suffering from sickness it may sound beautiful but maybe it's just

sick. i don't know if you're quiet because you're stoic and trying to save yourself and me from more of the same pain or if really you are just so ok. when we talk i sound so ok. my voice doesn't betray me at all, you'd never know if i didn't tell you

it is such horrible pain i still feel the same thing i have written so so many times that we have such beautiful love that we lack the strength of character to actually fulfil in real life.

-

it's wednesday and come friday thru monday i have some gear and an electric piano set up, house to myself, i will need to take some long hot shower/baths and let myself feel and play without any judgement, without expectation. let myself get real weird. hope i come out the other side (cleansed and free-er)

11:18 p.m. - 2014-03-05

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