msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i see you upon the wall i'm not even sure if i know yet what more to say of this weekend. - ended up trying out his drug of choice. - so many other things. lengthy discussions about what may happen from here, throwing plans around like shacking up in melbourne, me moving to newcastle for a stretch, overseas adventures..... who knows. - i think it's established that we want to be around eachother and give things a chance to grow. i am especially starting to feel that life is short, that i should not be living to other peoples expectations of me - if my heart wants something, why not just go for it? why live this life to somebody elses standards. - it felt good to stand up and be brave this weekend. to be impulsive, to be honest to people about where i was going and what my motivations were. to know that being next to him for a time was more important than money, or tomorrow or what anyone else thinks. i know it was important for him too, that demonstration from me. - there is a worrying side that we can and do enable each others bad (addict) behaviours. that is something we would need to be desperately mindful of should any of these plans come to pass. i kind of believe in us though, believe that we could make each other happy and joyful and strong and healthy. - i am all shakey and vulnerable today. i do feel guilt and shame over blowing so much money, missing my flight yesterday resulting in another $200+ being spent. i also feel at a loss for what to do next, but it will come. 11:15 a.m. - 2013-03-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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