msjessica's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i see you upon the wall

i'm not even sure if i know yet what more to say of this weekend.

-

ended up trying out his drug of choice.

-

so many other things. lengthy discussions about what may happen from here, throwing plans around like shacking up in melbourne, me moving to newcastle for a stretch, overseas adventures..... who knows.

-

i think it's established that we want to be around eachother and give things a chance to grow.

i am especially starting to feel that life is short, that i should not be living to other peoples expectations of me - if my heart wants something, why not just go for it? why live this life to somebody elses standards.

-

it felt good to stand up and be brave this weekend. to be impulsive, to be honest to people about where i was going and what my motivations were. to know that being next to him for a time was more important than money, or tomorrow or what anyone else thinks. i know it was important for him too, that demonstration from me.

-

there is a worrying side that we can and do enable each others bad (addict) behaviours. that is something we would need to be desperately mindful of should any of these plans come to pass. i kind of believe in us though, believe that we could make each other happy and joyful and strong and healthy.

-

i am all shakey and vulnerable today. i do feel guilt and shame over blowing so much money, missing my flight yesterday resulting in another $200+ being spent. i also feel at a loss for what to do next, but it will come.

11:15 a.m. - 2013-03-12

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

studsnpatchs
malanoche
drastik
famelicose
hiv
with-squalor
loveherwell
dope-slave
sunfuck
zoela
leftcoast
thisrecord
anna-popcorn
birds-fly
x-y
clapclapclap
takenbytrees
doctorkaysen
cuntfeel
rebecca
bangyrdead
usb-port
oh-my-darlin
friskyseal
moodswing
tsulnagrom
kittensblood
sntheticlove
reawaken
winteranfang
ninabean
x--8letters
hiswickedgun
cymbals
pettyquarrel
hotwaterlove
glorycloud
gonzoprophet
notathought
verydamnlong
kateness
boyafterboy
erases
pitter-pat
boyecho
manvsdevil
amazinfuckup
-eyes
drawtheline