msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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an almost loss.

i am just letting myself get drunk enough to build up the want, the courage, the hurt to spill some blood.

i have been craving it because

it's tears that your eyes can't shed?

i won't even go through my usual at the desk, bleeding leave lines into bits of paper thing that i usually do

this is much more base

much more

adolescent.

will sit in the shower, water running, pointed at the wall, no sound, white noise but

open

let go.

watch, the hypnotism, go under, think of drowning, of stones in my pockets, of love and loss and fear and joy and too much, too much, too much

let go.

-

and it will wash away, from clear to red to clear.

and i will feel cleansed.

and the woman in me, the mother, will have something to tend, some wound to wait and be baited over.

a reason.

a point.

7:03 p.m. - 2012-12-31

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