msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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this is the day people like me have been waiting for.

so i'm sitting here stark naked, with bruises on my tits, and candle wax, and candle wax all over the table and i'm on my i don't know how manyeth beer and

and tonight when i was in that empty bar i thought - you should remember this - you should

should should should

write something about how

how how how
with all these different hair colous
different clothes
different tastes
different boys
different

addictions (BLAH! spit it out. Dirty. Word.)

with all of these different things

how the fuck am i meant to know who i'm talking to

if no body else would either

really really really what i meant to say
i mean what i was going to say
i mean what i really meant to say was

how

how how how

how does anyone else know

how would anyone else know

how does

anyone

how do

how just DO THEY?!

how?!

---

so yeah, i'm naked and on my i don't know how manyeth beer and i've got candle wax and internet people vying for my attention and i have real life friends and i have people who love me and i guess all i really want is

someone who i can fuck and be naked with and who understands me but i don't have to say anything and someone who knows my story and i guess i just want to stop and i put myself under so much pressure and fuck

i feel guilty that i wanted to see Cat Power when she was in her bad 90's phase and now she's in a bad phase - i feel bad like I caused this phase now.

Like.... I feel guilty about the silliest things. And also really heavy things too.

But i guess this is the end (of this.).

And in the end, I'm just naked. With candle wax, and wooden spoons, and chopsticks everywhere (and misuse of commas...and punctuation and grammar..... didn't we have enough to worry about?!)..

And I think I just ran out of papers.

12:42 a.m. - 2012-10-24

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