msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - so for the second time in a week or so I woke up crying from a dream about my dad. in both of them, I just yelled at him. got angry at him for "fucking me up", for giving me stupid idea's about alcohol and men and other things. blah. daddy issues. who needs am, am i right? - also, had a stupid (but great) day the other day - a coffee and art gallery date with a cute girl turned into a pub crawl, and then ridiculous, fumbley drunken girl sex and all night spooning. stupid because i really shouldn't be drinking like that anymore, i think i offended some of my friends but i don't remember it, and i don't know what i'm doing with this girl. a part of me thinks i'm mainly interested because she is so interested in me - asks me all of these questions, lets me tell all of my stories and feel like.... i am interesting, or that they matter, or something. i need to start shutting up and listening more. today i feel angry and upset and confused and like the last seven months here have been for nothing because i don't appear to have grown or healed at all. going to spend the next couple of days buried in study which will hopefully appease some of this guilt stuff. 9:41 a.m. - 2012-10-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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