msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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sometimes it hits me like a panic attack

out of nowhere, breath escapes, wind knocked out

i want blood.

i think earnestly about pulling my eyeballs out.

i think earnestly, again, about an old friend wearing my viens as a necklace. i think about how i would cut them out and give them to her. "did you really? DID YOU FUCKING REALLY? why lie?"

i think about cutting out this new scar tissue that's�.that i put there earlier this year. think about just cutting them out, cutting those big fat pink things out, holding them in my hands as if my hands were folded into prayer, with a "please just take them. take these months and moments since and erase, erase, erase"

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life is hard.

nobody tells you that.

life is beautiful and amazing, nobody really tells you that either.

movies don't teach you that life is both terrifying and welcoming all at once. life is both a terrible tasting gold foil rapped miniature easter egg and a probably fake brass ring with a fake black onyx bling stone all at the same time.

i guess the moral is that either way, it's never what it seems, but either way it's enjoyable when you take it just as it is.

fuck.

01:45 a.m. - 2012-04-24

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