msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- uncle bookmark i don't think it's a surprise to any of us that sometimes i make questionable decisions. a couple weeks ago i got into a situation that involved myself and a good friends uncle partially undressed, fucking on a fold out sofa in a good friends lounge room. while my good friend, and another good friend slept (i hope) in neighbouring rooms. the friend had always, has for years said she wanted the uncle and i to meet, knew that we would so that happened. sneaky trips to the bathroom to do some lines, sneaky eyes at one another, sitting smoking cigarettes opening up a bit. we wound up there, on the couch, steel bars digging into my back and his rough facial hair cutting up my chin, so that days later i looked like i was peeling from a bad sunburn. so, naturally, we messaged a little over the last weeks. he came here, to my house, on friday night. we sat and drank and did some coke and talked and as he started to ask a question i didn't really care about the answer to, i leaned in and kissed him hard and then we lost hours... drinking, smoking, fucking, snorting drugs. it was fun. there was a moment, a series of moments where we were just so high and open and shit got weird, me spread open like a road before him, my mouth so dry my lips are sticking to my teeth so i'm covering my face and he is staring down at my cunt and touching me and saying these words. i have replayed them over and over in my head often since, they are weird and they turn me on like CRAZY, when i got home this afternoon i watched porn to come but wound up closing my eyes just repeating those words, last night in his bed at his house, in the dark his hand underneath me rubbing my clit, those words round and round in my head made me come. i LOVE when people get weird. i love it. yesterday.... friday night, i guess we finally got to sleep around 5-6 saturday morning. so we on and off dozed, for hours, naked, touching, not touching, sleeping, not sleeping. he lives down the coast, about a 2 hour drive, near the peninsula. i made no secret of wanting to go there, always wanting any excuse to leave the city, to adventure, to see something new. and yes, of course i want to see his house, i want to.....adventure. and i want more time with him. we had spoken about developing a habit with our time together, how we only saw one another and got fucked up, it's different to know someone sober. we were both coming down anyway and often i really love that about drugs, about taking drugs with other people, that it's not just THE HIGH that you sign on for but you share the come down too. and the same can be said for romance, love, obsession, in a way. so quite late afternoon we decided to make the trip to his house. we drove for some time, stopped in to get supplies (and for me to vomit in a freshly painted toilet cubicle in a parking lot - even the needle bin had been painted, everything had been painted that needle bin yellow). we brought an odd selection of snack food and fruit, he got some dog food. his house smells damp. dusty. old. it smells like stagnation. i know my house reeks of something too, but i can never figure out what it is. i thin you have to be an outsider to know. eventually, it sank away ie. i got used to it. he has a sadness. in some places his skin drips off his bones, it's age and.... lack of appetite. his house is littered with fragments of him, his art, scraps of writing. i saw a corner of a pieceon the kitchen bench "come live with me he had a couch once but now it's gone, now in his loungeroom are just these two chairs, 60's era chairs, great furniture pieces but so separate as in we watched a movie but there was no intimacy. i could have moved his chair closer, so i could touch him, but i didn't. eventually we went to bed (glorious bed) and he made me come, gloriously, but he didn't stay hard long enough for him to get the same satisfaction (as far as i know, i don't think he has managed that in our time together although i took the morning after pill after our first rendesvous as i wasn't quite sure - my thighs were sopping wet, but it's likely that was just all me). today we got up, went for a bit of a drive down the coast, got coffee, sat on the beach. drove back to the city (2 hours maybe). again, all that time, i could have touched him. i didn't think MUCH about it but i did a little, that i am so affectionate.... how usually when i am a passenger with a lover driver we will be hands on thighs, or even holding hands... but there was none of that with him. he did say he is not big on affection, so perhaps it was me reading the situation...well, certainly it was that, but i'm not exactly sure what i was reading. i have such fond memories of sharing silence with a lover. to me it is a great sign, it is meaningful, it is not always easy to share easy silence with someone. i'm not sure what he thinks. he seems a hard shell. and i'm not sure i'm.... i don't think i have the exact edge to crack him, by which i mean the want, the time, circumstance, talents, everything. this has been a lovely little happening, and i'd happily spend more time with him.. but it's a different flavour, different level of intensity to the other lovers in my life. still. it has all been beautiful. i think he has a kind of sadness i can't cure (or even really see). 9:09 p.m. - 2015-11-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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