msjessica's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a southern bird that stayed north too long

i still don't know it is in you, me, in us coming together that makes me so incredibly sad, sadder than i have ever been.

after that first week together when i came home and was inconsolable. a darker, bluer place than i had ever been. not able to talk to anyone, not able to do anything but drink and howl for days and days.

talking on the phone yesterday, a light conversation for the most part, a happy one, love and recognition passing between us, both of us commenting on how strong the other sounds. for you it is a change, for me, so you say, it is always the case.

i came home and cried, and cried. today i stayed in bed and cried, and cried.

i am not especially sad for anything. but something in you, in me, in us coming together brings all of my life sadness so straight to the surface. when i let you into my heart, all of my armour and filters and stoicism gets gone and i crumble and break so heavily.

it was good though. a timely reminder of what lays that way, because i always forget until i'm in it. so much heartache, what is it about us? i know we both just want to be happy.

6:30 p.m. - 2015-02-05

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

studsnpatchs
malanoche
drastik
famelicose
hiv
with-squalor
loveherwell
dope-slave
sunfuck
zoela
leftcoast
thisrecord
anna-popcorn
birds-fly
x-y
clapclapclap
takenbytrees
doctorkaysen
cuntfeel
rebecca
bangyrdead
usb-port
oh-my-darlin
friskyseal
moodswing
tsulnagrom
kittensblood
sntheticlove
reawaken
winteranfang
ninabean
x--8letters
hiswickedgun
cymbals
pettyquarrel
hotwaterlove
glorycloud
gonzoprophet
notathought
verydamnlong
kateness
boyafterboy
erases
pitter-pat
boyecho
manvsdevil
amazinfuckup
-eyes
drawtheline