msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a southern bird that stayed north too long i still don't know it is in you, me, in us coming together that makes me so incredibly sad, sadder than i have ever been. after that first week together when i came home and was inconsolable. a darker, bluer place than i had ever been. not able to talk to anyone, not able to do anything but drink and howl for days and days. talking on the phone yesterday, a light conversation for the most part, a happy one, love and recognition passing between us, both of us commenting on how strong the other sounds. for you it is a change, for me, so you say, it is always the case. i came home and cried, and cried. today i stayed in bed and cried, and cried. i am not especially sad for anything. but something in you, in me, in us coming together brings all of my life sadness so straight to the surface. when i let you into my heart, all of my armour and filters and stoicism gets gone and i crumble and break so heavily. it was good though. a timely reminder of what lays that way, because i always forget until i'm in it. so much heartache, what is it about us? i know we both just want to be happy. 6:30 p.m. - 2015-02-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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