msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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only sour cherry on the fruitstand

had this really real epiphany that i'm physically dependant on synthetic opiods.

there is that little part of me that would hang itself, or OD or shoot itself in the head but still wake up and have it's first thought be "i managed to fuck this up too"

that part

is like

"god -"

i can't actually finish that sentence. but fuck. it is obviously better this way, to be addicted - not even addicted - physical dependence - it's just that i'm such a fucking weak ass bitch i can't go through the pain of withdrawal and then obvs the pain of reality but fuuuuuuuck. but that little part of me just thinks i chickened out, missed out, real real real reality is hard to take.

8:48 p.m. - 2014-01-04

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