msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- portraits lack of sleep and too much Laura. if wishes were kisses, i'd be a much a bigger whore than i already feel. - i feel aimless and hopeless in it. it is not an ache anyone else will heal, i don't know if being together again will heal it either sadly we are both realists and realise that more time together only means this all over again, the breaking, the ruining. - this is growing. - you are the way one hand feels different when held in the other. like my skin stretches differently, like i am dehydrated, like i am older. you are me playing the same sixty seconds of one song over and over, turning down the sound so hopefully no one notices. you are sucking in my cheeks. putting on red lipstick to cover last nights red wine stains. i bow my head and just fucking stop. i just get gutted, every so often. just gutted. 'you' is an understatement. it should be something heavier - like how love wasn't enough, like sandalwood, this should be something bigger, fiercer, it is something different - 'you' is too generic. the worst part of all of this, i've written about it before - i wish i could find it quickly - about a boy being winter, about him being like red wine making my lips dark, my body warm and my thoughts fuzzy. so this is nothing new. nothing new for you either. just another thing to get through, just another friend to make. 12:44 a.m. - 2013-05-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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