msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Second guess it Our love has grown sadly, slowly. I read today that when love starts, you forget them for 3 hours then remember them for 2 minutes, but as it grows you remember them for 3 hours and are lucky to forget for 2 minutes. It is like that. It has these gestation periods, his absence, were we talk and process and deconstruct and assess, wait, get hungry, hurt, mournful, angry, lustful... Our time together is tender, thoughtful, so much just looking and feeling eachother out, dancing around our intensity. Feeling joy sometimes, feeling nervous and timid. We both open up a little more each time, each day is different, like we live longer time periods within each 24 hours as a goodbye is always looming. It is getting so I don't think I have space in my heart, in the physical manifestations of what I might feel in my heart, to let someone else in. And I don't want to. What is there is perfect, in it's broken and ridiculous way. But I am lonely. And he's even more of a burden when he ain't here at home. How does a girl make friends in a new town if its not by finding a guy to warm her bed? Realize how much I use people, especially men. Such a lack of respect. Building a life together is such an impossibility - he can't stay in one place for longer than 4 days and I am so displaced and such a mess myself. It is foolish to think we could fix these things in one another - isn't it? Or is that what people do? People less self aware than us perhaps *scoffs* - Until he is here I am just always in a state of constant daydream distraction. I wait to see how our shape will move next, how will he move next. 9:50 p.m. - 2013-01-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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