msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fuck you in your fucking face. Also - carry on, carry on my body issues and everything are just so warped now I don't know if I'm skinny or fat (am i healthy or am I unwell? I know I'm losing weight now, but I know how easily I put it on... I know I got so lost before but....... but?) am i skinny or fat? body positive - it doesn't matter. information overload. i need to go offline and just live for awhile. but i'm young, and smart and full of promise and it's all tied to online so i need to stay online and plugged in and stay up to date and what would happen if i didn't? i'd go and live on a farm and just....make babies, and maybe take mushrooms sometimes, and make my own beer and eat my own food and just be simple and why do we have to be here. why this? why this? reasons reasons reasons i have bright green fucking hair. why. what am i trying to say? who am i trying to reach? obviopusly someone. i wake up with these days with this cough cancer, emhpyseme, bad, slow, prolonged death - it's coming. fucking WHY. WHYYYYYYYYYYY?! why am I still fighting? why am i trying to get sober, beating myself up about not already being sober, what am I doing it for? it's not Jesus, and I already was going to say I already believe in something but yes, you're right - obviously my faith has slipped. But WHAT?! WHY?! fuck. these stupid fucking meds. it was maybe kind of sort of better when i would get into these states and feel them so bad i would draw blood, but now i just get here and.....move on. i am coughing my heart out right now, but going to have another cigarette anyway. 12:58 a.m. - 2012-10-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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