msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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ticklish

not really sure where else to go.

-

i was almost 4 weeks sober but now I'm drunk. i'd had a drink here or there in between but now, I'm drunk.

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i got a prescription for meds today - I will start them tomorrow. I guess I feel like I'm at someone's funeral. I'm not sure who or how they died.

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I realised maybe it is not so much depression, or anxiety that I want to escape, but perhaps my memory. Nostalgia. The bank of thoughts and experiences that every second increases, not just events that have happened to me but books I've read, pictures I've looked at, songs I've heard.

This ever increasing memory bank that weaves ridiculous and forlorn collages constantly - nauseating hallucinogenic patterns.

Sobriety for sure makes them clearer. Who is it to say if it's better or worse - better or worse than what?

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Choking on information. Both a perceived excess of it, and perceived lack.

Choking on too much stimulation, too many concept appetisers - "knowing enough to be dangerous" - "jack of all trades, master of none".

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I preach body positivity to myself, and to anyone who will listen but then I

vomit out all sorts of ideas, I guess.

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6:47 p.m. - 2012-09-13

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