msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just rubbish really So, I am on a bit of a journey of self discovery lately. Well, always, but it is slightly more conscious of late. I have been involved in an online dating site for a couple of months and have had some experiences from that. But the last couple of weeks, along with this new interest in BDSM I've really been analysing what it is I want from any kind of "relationship". I do want one, of some description. I've deleted my account on that site because....it's a pointless distraction and isn't giving me what I want. But I am talking with someone at the moment who is actually SO good looking I sometimes find it hard to take him seriously. Isn't that terrible? The curse of being beautiful... Not only is he outrageously beautiful but he lives on the Gold Coast (about 2 hours away). I highly doubt we will ever meet, and I am sick of these conversations that lead nowhere so in my communication with him I am perhaps being more raw than I would usually. Anyway, we got to talking about sex and festishes yesterday and I said I really don't want to discuss that with him. I have enough sexting and skyping buddies, I am sick of TALKING about sex. So, he asked me if I knew what I want from a relationship. And so I responded with this, and as it has been on my mind lately I thought I'd post it here as well just to...keep it. -- Late last year I got out of a 5 year relationship so I'm really in no rush to get back in to that kind of situation. IDEALLY I guess I would like some kind of polyamorous arrangement. A lover (someone for cuddles, fun, comfort), a master (someone experienced in BDSM who I can explore that with) and an�intellectual stimulator (someone who helps me grow intellectually, exposes me to new ideas and stretches my mind). Maybe eventually all 3 will be rolled into one, and actually maybe even one person could cover 2 of those. Bottom line really is I don't want a big commitment, I don't want to fall in love. So, that is an 'ideal' thought. But, in reality, people get jealous, other emotions get in the way�.life gets messy. And how selfish of me to want 3 lovers!! And plus, I can't even find ONE person who I overly connect with. So recently I'm a big believer in exploring and breaking down social ideals - I think monogamy is a flawed idea. I think relationships can be a lot healthier than that, but it requires a lot of mutual respect, open communication and maturity on all sides.. So there is my morning manifesto on my current desires. -- I don't fucking know. But I guess defining what you're looking for is the first step in actually getting it. 12:39 p.m. - 2012-07-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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