msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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Today I've been either anxious or sad.

I vomited to make myself feel something else, took pictures of my scars, cried about the loss of great love, the increasing distance between some of my family members, how what if when my father dies we haven't spoken in months, years, and I would never know why.

I spent ten minutes or more being overwhelmed by the love and beauty that comes from my cat, that kind of wordless, endless understanding based purely on...emotion and energy and shared experience, maybe a bit of delusion.

Now I have tears in my eyes and a headache. I can't read anymore because the words have stopped making sense, I can't focus. I don't want to put a movie on, or a tv show because I can't think of anything that would do justice to my mood.

How to make my head stop.. Even the curtains in this room make me sad.

Tomorrow will be different.

10:50 p.m. - 2012-06-19

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