msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh dear tonight is a joke. maybe i am the joke. - wanted to go out tonight. to anywhere really, to see new faces, remember why it seemed like a good idea to come here, remember fun, remember what the outside of this house is like, remember what other people are like. the first spanner was thrown by a grumpy housemate. actually it was all her. if she is not happy, no one else can be. manipulative, self obsessed,attention seeking, hypochondriac. she is all of these things. i love her, she is also much more than this but right now that's all i'm seeing. got "drunk" the other night off 4 mouthfuls of liquer. Wouldn't shut up the next day about her "hang over". not sure what it was all about, but it was definitely something. - so now i've just washed off all the make up, 'dosed up' and am waiting for sleep. - i want my old life. i know it obviously wasn't ideal but fuck FUCK. bondi, $50 an hour, friends, booze, sex freedom. options. i am so fucking lonely here. i don't know myself without drinking. or i do, it's more that i don't know LIFE without drinking. i need to....meet people somehow. - people keep asking me if i'm suicidal. i think i am a little more each day. this is fucked. 9:49 p.m. - 2012-02-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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