msjessica's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- such an intent stare So, I've moved. I'm not just in a new house, but a new town and it feels like a new head and body to go with it. I spent last week in the St Vincents detox centre, surrounded by some beautiful alcoholics and drug addicts, all coming off their poison of choice for their own variety of reasons. I heard some really touching stories and had some good conversations. I had never been in a situation where people were so raw and open with each other. Anonymity, and knowing that everyone there was the same as you - some better off, some worse�. it was intoxicating in itself. It felt this week, this Monday that I woke up after a big bender, after a black out. All my life changed, where am I, who is this? Who made these decisions? 70 odd stitches in my legs, some strange hair cut and living in a tree house now. I am still sober. Almost 2 weeks now. It has it's ups and downs. I realised that addictions aren't just to substances. Or to a single person. Also that they can be replaced. - I work from home now. I study. I live with 3 girls. Two of them in a beautiful relationship - they are both so different yet compliment each other so well. The other is a younger girl, musical genius. Talented, focused and organised. I am envious of all of them for different reasons. I am a hollowed out husk, facing demons and truths while maintaining a facade of�. i don't even pretend to know what. I wander around and listen to the same 3 sad songs. I chain smoke. I drink too much coffee. And a lot of non alcoholic beer. It is all so boring and overdone. - I'm glad I got out of that situation and into this new one. It feels nice to be sober. 8:10 p.m. - 2012-02-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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