msjessica's Diaryland Diary

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Don't Explain.

should have taken a pen and paper to the beach....
this afternoon....

knock off work at 3:30pm, get changed into gym clothes at the office, walk to Nth Sydney station

trains, sexy texts, heart beat racing (not even from the walk)

slow walk from the junction to the beach, talking, texting, reading, listening, planning with you.

-

try to read the paper and it is sad sad news.

the black and white is no match for this, music on my ipod is no match for

that.

want to hear it all, know it all.

-

i remembered that i write,

i remembered that i READ,

i remembered that I LOVE MUSIC.

I am remembering i was a person under all of that.

under all of that....fear

-

i am aburst lately, these last days, this last week, this last festivus...

with idea's, and plans, and GOOD memories, possibility

freedom.

freedom of CHOICE.

-

God, I remember. I remember my life.

I am back.

-

The things I thought I loved hold almost nothing now. What is that?

What were they? Social media? Other peoples lives?

Why WOULD i love them?

Why should i?

A lack.

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I want to sit in this, for a while.

Nick Cave says

"Well, they're ordinary flowers
But they long for the light of your touch
And of your trembling will
Ah, you're trembling still
And I am trembling too
To be perfectly honest I don't know
Quite what else to do"

And that kind of sums it up.

6:56 p.m. - 2012-01-10

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