I am home alone because Pete and I are trying to "seperate" again and I'm having trouble finding a house so he tries to be here as little as possible.
It kind of effects me and makes me sad and I realised this morning that it's probably because the same thing happened with Adam when we were trying to split.
-
I want this move. I am the instigator. It is taking longer than I would have liked but I guess that's what happens.
I can't escape this feeling of waiting. That I'm waiting to have fun, waiting to feel comfortable. I guess there is alot of sadness surrounding this whole situation and so I have to wait to grieve.
Things between us are much the same now although we know what lies ahead. There is no kissing and no cuddling but that's not really anything new.
-
It is all a little daunting because I feel as if my entire identity has disappeared as I have become one half of a whole.
All of the things that I once felt defined me no longer do - I have broken habits or outgrown things or simply lost touch.
I no longer really have an interest in music - I still enjoy it but there is nothing that lights a fire in me anymore and I guess this is why I'm moving out.
I hope I can rekindle myself without going down bad paths and doing things I will regret.
-
I had a nice thought last night that I might start sending cards to people at random. Just looking up addresses and sending them cards - things that say "It is all OK", or even "Are You OK?" or "I believe in us". I will get a post office box and put that as a return address on the cards and maybe someone will send something back.
I watched Mary and Max last night, I guess that's where this thought came from.
I am very lonely. This is a constant theme in my life. I'm beginning to think the answer is not to find more friends but to become more comfortable in myself. I would like it if both would happen.
My favourite reader (if she's still out there) will be happy to know I'm listening to Something For Kate today. :)
-
In this relationship I feel both of us have lost any passion for anything. I don't know why we have had this effect on eachother. Perhaps it is just a time thing - too much time.
-
I felt myself turning crazy again a little earlier this year and I went to stay with my sister for a couple of days and it is amazing how rejuvinating it was.
I came back and cut my drinking right now, started truly enjoying my work again and benefits have been quick to follow.
Apparantly if you follow Numerology I am now in a "one" year which means I am beginning a new path and laying the foundations for my next nine years. I'm not sure how much I follow that line of thought but it is quite a coincidence, none the less.
-
I feel I will start writing again more now.
I don't know if any of it will be very interesting.
-
I'm getting a tattoo on Monday as a birthday present to myself.
I'm also going to see Tori Amos on November 16th and I will be sitting in Row H at the Sydney Opera House. This is exciting because in the past when I have seen her there, I have needed to use binoculars to be able to see from my Row XXW seat.